My quest for deeper meaning in life...
I've been searching and searching, and I finally understand it.
As I woke up today I’ve been itching to express this. It’s almost like I got an epiphany.
I’ve been searching for a deeper purpose in life.
First through startups, money, success... then through art...
maybe if I completely removed external validation and people pleasing from my life, that gives me purpose and fulfillment to show up everyday.
But I’ve realized what is even more powerful, beautiful, and ironically simple is the act of service.
Service is a form of unconditional love.
The act of taking action with unconditional love whether for the work itself (as in art), yourself, or others.
No strings attached, not doing it for reasons other than the service itself.
And it is that intent in all our actions that gives us satiating purpose in life.
So what is this act of service?
The act of doing things for the sake of them with full sincerity. Even if secondary goals are attached... they are, well, secondary.
For instance, money is a goal for most of us…but money isn’t an action, the action itself is something else.
Let’s say you want to start a social media channel.
Sure, you can create a channel and follow trends to create content others would like to hear... but if done only for the purpose of follower-ship, it becomes a conditional goal.
It’s only worth it when you have followers. So when the hype is over, or when things get shaky, so does your purpose.
If the conditions aren’t met, then what are you even doing daily? If progress is slow or takes time, you are filled with doubt.
The moment we act out of service for secondary goals, money, success, fame…
not only do we not perform our best actions, we are distracted, cloudy, and unable to make the most of opportunities in the present moment.
We start living in the mind, separated, anxious, and always fighting… instead of integrated with the universe, living in flow.
We stay unfulfilled, drained, exhausted.
Wondering why we don’t have the motivation or discipline to just grind it through.
My personal examples.
I started my hair care brand a few years ago because I wanted to create beautiful, clean products for curly haired women, to inspire them to learn how to style their hair and not feel guilty about it.
I cared deeply for this act of service... but not all my actions supported this service.
It became about growth, scaling, costs, and how I can make this into a viable income.
Let’s first test the viability and then we can work on service.
This felt exhausting, uninspiring, and frankly I lost interest.
Since then, I’ve been searching and searching…
Starting up in various fields, exploring new interests, and wondering why it isn’t enough…
What am I searching for?
I noticed a pattern…
I started something out of love, to serve fully…but very shortly after, it became all about secondary goals - money, fame, and ‘success.’
Even when I first began my writing journey on another platform, I realized I’m falling for the same trap…
Is this a prison of success I’m building where I’m constantly running the hamster wheel?
It was becoming about lead magnets, leads, followers, subscribers.
Or is it about the act of unconditional service, the act of giving fully to the mission, first.
Then comes money, and other things.
In fact it is through this relentless search for meaning, fulfillment, and joy that I decided to publish my journal as notes to self.
To explore human thought patterns and emotions out loud and make sense of them, to share what it means to live joyfully, vibrantly daily.
The core of it is to get clarity on things in life for me first... and then I share it out of love, unconditionally. It’s to serve authenticity.
To be a true conduit for what wants to be released into the world, not to mould, shape, and grow followers.
Can you do things just for money? Can that be a sincere intent?
Because money is currency for exchange of value, it can’t be a pure act of service.
The exchange of value can be the pure act of service... but money, fame, followers, all that is secondary. And can come as a byproduct of devoted service.
Even if you’re a stock or crypto trader directly dealing with money… building a bot, building judgement and intuition, the service here is to master the craft.
Doing my best with sincerity is different from doing it for money.
So really, what I’ve been searching for all along...
Is finding an act of service. An act of unconditional love to commit to.
Where can I show up fully, daily, as an act of devotion, where mastery is inevitable... and money, success, and fame perhaps natural byproducts.
That is perhaps what ikigai is :) Finally understood it.
But can we scale service?
I don’t think we necessarily demonize money.
Money is essential to survive, thrive, and actually provide the best service we can.
But it still comes down to taking actions that protect the act of service, even when we think about scaling.
For instance, if I’m adding clients to my consulting business, while it can be for growth, I’m doing so in a way that doesn’t compromise my sincerity for each client I do get.
The intent is preserved. The act of service is still devotional.
At an older gig, my role was to grow the business and run experiments that bring in more revenue.
So my act of service was to serve them with sincerity and do my job.
I’m not only doing it to get paid. That is secondary.
So even when we do things for money, we still have the option to give fully when we act, in service of why we are getting the money.
Putting the emphasis on money, security, success first, and then wanting to go all in is where we lose this devotion.
Because that is no longer an act of service.
Note to self
Where I am involved and committed, I give fully with sincerity. I devote to the service. I follow the nudges and see where life takes me.
Yes, I want money, success, and fame... but as byproducts, by devoting to the actions I’m already involved in (or want to get involved in).
Abundance flows to those who act in abundance.
Things work out when you’re all in, plugged into the present moment, following the path laid out for you, led by your intuition.
When we give fully, we live a deeply fulfilling life that’s not tethered to external metrics out of our hands.
If I don’t enjoy something and I have the choice, I leave it and choose something else, even if it’s for money.
But I act with sincerity.
Does this resonate? How do you find meaning in life?